The Japanese have done it again...

A humanoid robot named "I-Fairy" (C) acts as a witness at the wedding ceremony between Tomohiro Shibata (L) and Satoko Inoue in Tokyo May 16, 2010. The couple decided to use the robot, which conducted the ceremony with its audio functions, from Inoue's company to perform the witness' duties as they first met due to common work interest related to robots.
Credit: REUTERS/Yuriko Nakao

 Check this out, Hoyas. The Japanese are at it again with the robots. Seriously? Plastic pigtails? This is getting kinky. 

"I do" goes high-tech with Japan robot priest

No big d$#@s for Indonesian police

This is just weird, Hoyas.

Police barred from penis enlargement

I think there's something in the water in China...

 

A Chinese police officer demonstrate the use of a 'police restraint stick' long-handled poles with a hook on the end, to subdue a man playing the role of an attacker at a middle school in Beijing Thursday, April 29, 2010. Security measures have been stepped up after a spate of attacks on schools over the past three days. (AP Photo) (source)

What the hell is happening in China these days?! This must be one of the omens of the Apocalypse. See the story of the latest stabbing:

Chinese man stabs children in Kindergarten, 31 hurt

Spotted: Joe Hoya gone wild

'Tase Me' Screamer arrested outside Fashion for Paws

OMG...the Washington Examiner published this story. The Screamer even said, "I go to Georgetown, I work at Google and I am going to have you all fired." Nice one, Joe. Probably not a good idea mixing Lithium with alcohol.

Dean Kaneda is our man!

• The demand for Mitch Kaneda is perfectly elastic. 
• Mitch Kaneda started this recession to remind you that Mitch giveth and Mitch taketh away. 
• Could Mitch Kaneda write a midterm so difficult that Mitch Kaneda couldn’t pass it? 
• Mitch Kaneda can pronounce the letter “R,” perfectly; it’s just scared of him. 
• Mitch Kaneda is willing to change unfair grades, but he never makes mistakes. 
• If you didn’t do the reading, it’s because Mitch Kaneda didn’t want you to. 
• Mitch Kaneda doesn’t understand the Prisoner’s Dilemma…he takes no prisoners. 
• Currency has value only because Mitch Kaneda believes in it. 
• Mitch Kaneda’s only weakness is karaoke. 
• Mitch Kaneda knows you’re sleeping in the back; did you know he’s sleeping with your girlfriend? 
• Mitch Kaneda does hold regular office hours—you just weren’t invited. 
• Mitch Kaneda managed to convince you that tariffs are inefficient so you wouldn’t be suspicious of his new car. 
• Mitch Kaneda once won a staring contest with the Mona Lisa. 
• John Nash wasn’t schizophrenic; Mitch Kaneda was just fucking with him. 
• Mitch Kaneda fucking hates matching pennies. 
• The Wall Street Journal reads itself to Mitch Kaneda. 
• The cover art for Econ textbooks comes from Mitch Kaneda’s dreams. 
• Mitch Kaneda could draw an indifference curve, but he just DOESN’T GIVE A F*#$. 
• Aren’t you glad Mitch Kaneda assigned that problem set so that you have something to do while he finishes up with your girlfriend? 
• Infant industries need protection because Mitch Kaneda is hungry. 
• Mitch Kaneda considers your mom a large open economy. 
• Put your hand down…Mitch Kaneda asks the motherfuckin’ questions around here. 
• Mitch Kaneda won two infinitely long games. 
• Mitch Kaneda once lost a Mitch Kaneda lookalike contest for being too good-looking. 
• Mitch Kaneda doesn’t have to give tests—he’s been testing you all along. 
• Mitch Kaneda doesn’t apply for grants; grants apply for him. 
• Mitch Kaneda has a Ph.D. in Kicking Ass.  And Economics. 
• Mitch Kaneda has never lost a game of Russian roulette. 
• Mitch Kaneda is always Pareto optimal.

OMG Green Porno

 "If I were a mantis..."

This is probably the funniest series of short videos ever! Green Porno began a year ago, and now it's in its third season. Isabella Rossellini, you're so f*%#ing weird, but God, love ya.

Green Porno

Money Laundering 101

Is the Spirit the only one who wonders how sketchy stores on Wisconsin Avenue (e.g. the Western Store which sells novelty IDs) turn out a profit? Listen up, MSBers, because here's the 411 on money laundering. So you have $1000 in crack money. With walkie-talkie cellphone in hand, you jump on the metro from Anacostia to Foggy Bottom. Walk up Wisconsin Avenue. Enter one of these little, sketchy shops. Pay $1000 for a pair of cowboy boots. 3 months later: get a $1000 rebate with your purchase of a cowboy shirt. Voila! Now the Spirit is not pointing its ghostly finger at any store in particular, but just some food for thought next time you order a greasy pizza from Cafe Romeo's.

The Twighlight Dildo

 

  "The Vamp" by Tantus

Okay, Hoyas, think you're really a Twilight fan? Yeah, you're not that hardcore until you order yourselves one of these Twilight-inspired adult toys. It sparkles just like a vampire would, and you can put it in the freezer to get that ice cold vampire feeling. Ah...taking reading to a whole new level. This is ridiculous. 

As Robyn commented on the manufacturer's website:

What I really wanted was an ice-cold penis in my needy vag, so I put it in the fridge. I put it in the fridge, and it froze to my labia for an hour. Mind you, I came like a geiser, but it was very awkward to explain to my dog.

And in the words of another anonymous commenter:

I bought one of these Vamps because I have been reading the twilight series for the past 4 years and I have wanted nothing more than to feel a rock hard sparking dick inside of me. So much that I have made my boyfriend tape his dick inbetween his legs and wear the vamp instead because I like it that much more. Of course I wanted more of a feel for it so after reading these reviews I went ahead and put it in the freezer. I love nothing more than to pretend that my boyfriend is a glittering fucking vampire sliding his marble cold dick inside of me. I suggest that anyone who likes vampires get this product. My boyfriend was really hesitant at first but I think he likes roleplaying now, I think it makes him feel more masculine being a sparkling creature. I'm hoping that they come out with a Jacob one for him to put on. I just will have to figure out a safe way to heat it up to 108 degrees without burning my vagina. The one downside to this product is, I wish that if left my vagina sparking afterwards.

Spotted: Geet with Adrian Grenier

Get it, girl. The Spirit is starstruck. But I hear the real Mr. Vince Chase is a huge prick. Guess that's the way these things go. Entourage may be the dude's Sex and the City, but who ever said they'd want to date one  girls? I mean Sarah Jessica Parker had that mole, and Cynthia Nixon was playing for the other team. Well, that's bangin' you got to meet a celebrity! Hollah back, Geet! Say hello to Lindsay for me too...well, more like send her my prayers. Talk about a train-wreck. Oh, and, Adrian, lose the Holiday weight. K, thanks. K, bye.

Georgetown alumnus and the PR "terror"

Okay, Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal, fellow Hoya and benefactor of our Muslim-Christian Understanding Center, your wife may be way hotter than you, but she obviously wants that title (and a marble toilet too). Let's hope you can hold down one wife, instead of the traditional four, and I wager that your children will look better than your father's. Burn... Yet it seems you have some style, however, with your ethereal stallion and "Kingdom" of a mega-yacht. 

But really? If we are to judge a gentleman by the company he keeps, it looks like you're a white-washed, narcotics-abusing, pedophile. Joseph Trento's article isn't the first report alleging your terrorist ties, either. These Hilltop secrets run deep, Hoyas...because this would mean that Georgetown University accepted dirty money soaked in civilian blood and carbon emissions. Hoyas, "you know it's thriller."

Quote of the Day

"Remember that Roald Dahl book and movie Matilda with Mara Wilson? Remember how she could cook herself pancakes at age 3 and take solo trips to the library at age 5? Well, Erwin's not like that. Besides, she had telekinetic powers."

Soviet Union came crashing down via E

 The Spirit heard this esoteric story from a trusted and well-respected source...Back in the 1980s, when MDMA was unscheduled and legal, the Federal Analog Act (1986) was still under wraps, and the National Institutes of Health (NIH) was investigating this drug, an NIH worker had some Soviet generals over at her townhouse while they were here on business. While sitting in her hot tub with them, she offered them some of the MDMA she had from the NIH (the NIH was giving MDMA out to researchers and psychotherapists at the time as well). Several weeks later, she gets a call from Moscow from one of the generals, asking her if she could send over some of the stuff they had tried. She ships like a pound of it overseas. These generals give this recreational MDMA out to all of the upper Soviet hierarchy. Conclusion: allegedly, you can attribute, on a 1st image international relations level, the singular or multiple experiences of MDMA of these Soviet politicians and military personnel to the introduction of perestroika and glasnost. Is it true? The Spirit doesn't know either, but it is a valid conspiracy theory.

Furthermore, today, ethnic Russians (both in Russia itself and throughout the old Soviet Union) are thought to control a large share of drug production and distribution, with help from different ethnic groups (e.g. the Azerbaijanis in the case of synthetic drugs). Traditionally, local people in the Eastern European transit countries (i.e. Ukraine, Poland, Slovakia, Lithuania) would assist in the smuggling of illicit drugs across the Continent. This continues to happen today, but as a domestic market for E (MDMA) emerges in many of these countries, local criminal gangs are taking a greater control of the local drugs trade. Much more evidence would need to be collected to confirm any kind of Ecstasy-Soviet conspiracy, but either way, the world is a very different place today than it was back when MDMA was legal. 

E-bama!

 Just Say O

If Obama were as popular as the E-bama, the Nobel Committee would have wiped his ass! This story was from back in December, but it's worth revisiting because...well, just look at those funny Obama candies. Ridiculous.

President Barack Obama’s approval rating may be hovering in the 50%, but that doesn’t mean America’s Commander-in-Chief isn’t catching on with new constituents.There is now a line of Ecstasy pills made in the image of the 44th president of the United States, according to Texas police who have snatched a batch off the streets. Ecstasy is known for a sense of elation, diminished feelings of fear and anxiety, and ability to induce a sense of intimacy with others. Perhaps a good Election Day strategy to get out the vote? A stash of the brightly colored tablets was found Monday during a south Texas traffic stop. Police in Palmview detained a driver after finding black tar heroin, cocaine, marijuana and several Ecstasy pills in the back of his car. The drugs look like a “vitamin for kids,” police spokesman Lenny Sanchez said.

Has anyone actually told you not to recycle?

Out of our Nalgene bottles and into our post-consumer recycled pizza boxes and on our receipt for those Nantucket Reds from V.V. Stop recycling pizza boxes and receipt paper! Well, maybe you never did to begin with. Some of us have an over-recycling problem I guess. Well, that nasty chemical B.P.A., which can cause you medical problems (e.g. cancer), neurological damage, and overall mental retardation, is part of the composition of these products. B.P.A. paper gets recycled into pizza boxes and B.P.A.-treated receipt paper saves your grocer the hassle of ordering printer ink cartridges. 

Ah, does it not unsettle anyone else, Hoyas, just how many arbitrary decisions were made by our ancestors regarding environmental justice in the context of a businesses evasion of externality costs (e.g. leaded petroleum)? Yeah, so this little issue was just on my mind. I don't think the world is ending or anything. Haha! Next time you recycle, think twice. This isn't about the earth. This is about your f*%#ing personal health. The life you save may be your own.

Oh s#%@! It's on the inside of our canned foods too! I guess we have to stop eating those too!

Quote of the Day

"Does anyone else have such an intense dream that you feel like you've died and come back to life when you wake up?"

No celebrities allowed!

There is a reason why the Ivory Clocktower does not admit celebrities any longer. For starters, can you see Nicky Hilton fitting in here?! Here, Hoyas, is a tale of Georgetown Lore for ye who hath pondered this Hilltop phenomenon.

So, it all started back when Ivanka Trump was admitted as an undergraduate. During her junior year, she transferred to Wharton. Well, that's the official story. The unofficial story involves one live-in boyfriend, a dog, and a stint in Village C West. And, yes, she was a big partier too...but she is actually a legitimate, focused, ambitious, driven career woman (i.e. Ivanka Trump's Plan for Total World Domination). So after Ivanka departed, the University said, "Enough of these celebrity shenanigans. We're done with it." When Nicky Hilton applied to the College years later, the Office of Admissions said, "Sorry. We do not admit celebrities." 

This University is so elitist that we ban tabloid trash from co-mingling with the bright future captains of industry. I love it! I love it! I love it! Yes to Samaa bin Laden. Yes to Christina Schwarzenegger. Yes to Prince Philippos, and yes to Joe Biden's niece! Besides, just look at the types of kids who go here...These kids have got to be virgins. But I love all of them just the same...because they are Hoyas, and I will hire them someday. Ahhhh :P Suck a fat one, Joaquin Walsh.

"The Georgetown Hoya in his natural habitat..."

So, Hoyas, the Spirit has a confession to make. I didn't use to be an elitist ass$@#! before I settled in this quaint colonial-Brigadoon village with no metro station, pesky cobblestones, neighborhood ordinances, and slow tourist-pedestrians who won't get out of my way. But things have changed. Every time we Hoyas venture out into commercial Georgetown, we feel like the subject of a Discovery Channel special:

"Ah...the Georgetown Hoya in her natural habitat," Tim Curry narrates, "Watch closely and behold this fragile creature. With a Vineyard Vines tote and pasty pale skin, she has learned to brave these disheveled brick sidewalks in 3-inch heels. Armed with her Saxby's British Islander and a bottle of Klonopin, she can handle any situation on these streets. Well...I hope that homeless man stops chasing after her. Do you think this one goes to Georgetown University? Could she be a Hoya? How divine."

Oh my God, we are so tired of making eye contact with strangers (What are sunglasses for?!) and being gawked at by that PG County family window-shopping on a Sunday at the Coogi (What the hell is that, btw?) store on Wisconsin like we're some limited edition, "Ivory Tower" Barbie Dolls complete with Hunter rain boots. Can't a Hoya just wear her Hermès scarf and Prada loafers in peace?! And whatever happened to those post-church donuts or Sunday morning brunch? God, I'm such a tool, but I feel entitled. 

P.S. Btw, is there a colloquial word for those African-American lesbians with dreadlocks? They all look the same. No, seriously.

Fact or Fiction: Laxatives at Leo's

For starters, the stir fry never looks like this at the Leo J. O'Donovan Dining Hall. Furthermore, the Spirit heard a rumor that Aramark puts laxatives and other additives into some of the food. Any thoughts, Hoyas?

Wake up to the best latte in town!

 Baked & Wired

The Spirit is well-traveled...from Addis Ababa, to Vienna, to Seattle...and Baked & Wired lattes are bangin'! Get it in the for-here cup and get mesmerized in the skillfully crafted palm branch and tiny A for your almond latte. Oh, and I guess I can take the extra pound added to my ass with the perfect accompaniment: a delicious, gigantic Baked & Wired cupcake. Hoyas, if you don't know about this establishment, now's the time to get up and get baked. And where is this magical confectionery of Hippie Crack and Oh my God bars? 1052 Thomas Jefferson Street NW. Head east on M Street, and turn right on Thomas Jefferson in between Barnes & Noble & Juicy Couture. As far as the Spirit is concerned, Georgetown Cupcake can go to hell. No really, go try one of these mouthgasms and decide for yourself. Yum.

Chanel boutique in Georgetown?

 

So the Spirit heard a little rumor that they want to put up a Chanel boutique on M Street in 2011. Hmm...could be a possibility. But really...why not put it in Friendship Heights, so serious shoppers have to seek out their $5000 handbag? Whatever...it would still be really sick to host one in our little college town.

Wear a God%#$! helmet!

 

You know, Hoyas, for such intelligent students, you sure seem to have some poor common sense. When you ride a bicycle, wear a helmet! I don't care how dumb you may think you look with it on! It may be all that separates your head and the asphalt if you get in an accident some day. And then you'll be dead! Or worse...mentally disabled...

Snowpocalypse, President's Day, and a great Youtube video!

The Downfall of Liberal Leave

This parody is sooooo hilarious. Snaps to the savvy Hoya who had the time and dedication...and creativity...to make this. Liberal leave is a bunch of B.S. anyway. Amen to that, brotha. And whatever, D.C. This snowstorm was nearly a State of Emergency for this town.

A bioethical framework for E?

The Utopian Pharmacology

This is the first and only paper of this kind I have ever seen. Hmm...David Pearce is onto something with his Abolitionism. Now, I'm not so sure if I agree with all of the tenets of this bioethical movement, but empathogen-entactogens (i.e. MDxx compounds), as evidence of a possible utopian pharmacology is a compelling claim. Take a look at this paper, Hoyas. Hmm...fascinating, as Mr. Spock would say.

So Alexander McQueen kicked the bucket...

So the coroner got back to us, Hoyas, with some bad news. It appears that McQueen asphyxiated himself via hanging, confirming his suicide...as if the goodbye note found at the crime scene wasn't enough. There is still one piece of the puzzle that still confuses me though, Hoyas:

Didn't anyone see this coming?! Come on, there were plenty of omens! The designer had skulls all over his collections...haha I'm terrible.

The DRC is officially the sh*$iest place on Earth to be a woman

The Greatest Silence: Rape in the Congo

You think Haiti and Bangladesh are Hell? Try being a woman in the Democratic Republic of Congo and living through an endemic of sexual violence often carried out by your own countrymen (i.e. Congolese soldiers), or occasionally the UN Peacekeepers, who are supposed to be defending the eastern border from fugitive Hutu Interhamwe left over from the Rwandan Genocide. And the DRC has gold, ivory, and coltan (a perfect conductor for cell phones and other electronics), but sadly, no oil. So I guess, Hoyas, this means no one is coming to help...

Some of you, Hoyas, had the opportunity to view this excellent documentary last Wednesday evening. And the craziest part is that these atrocities have been going on for 10 years, from ages 2 to 81!

Here's a simple math problem for you
to understand the gravity of the situation, Hoyas:

11 HIV-ridden men + 1 pair of your husband's legs + 1 bowl of your own uterine blood + 1 machine gun + 1 hot poker =
1 large cavity where your uterus, bladder, and rectum used to be

MDMA/PTSD Trials Proceed to Phase 2

A Randomized Triple-Blind, Phase 2 Pilot Study Comparing 3 Different Doses of MDMA in Conjunction with Manualized Psychotherapy in 16 Veterans with Chronic Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Looks like Dr. Mithoefer and the MAPS crew will be taking U.S. veterans one step closer to winding back up on the battlefield. The military clearly has a vested interest in this research...but they don't realize that legitimizing this therapy for one condition is just the beginning of its applications as a component of paradise-engineering. 

PTSD ---> Couples Therapy ---> Generalized Psychopathy

Has anyone seen the Thundercat lately?

Oh sweetheart we should probably talk about this

Hmm...I'm surprised I didn't think of this article first, Hoyas. No wait...I'm not. I could never be as biting as The Venus Flytrap. Speaking of the Edie Sedgwick-Mia Farrow-Cheetara look-alike, I think she has fled the Hilltop for the semester...And, Venus, love the title, "Dirty commie hipster." Thundercats! Ho!

Adieu, G & P!

Juicy Couture's Founders Have Left the Company

Well, it looks like Gela Nash-Taylor and Pamela Skaist-Levy are parting ways with fashion-phenomenon Juicy Couture. We should have seen this coming with the end of Couture Couture. Hope the Bird line sticks around...

Fashion Philosophy

Fashion for Losers

Here you are, Hoyas, the Spirit's best fashion advice in the words of Mr. Linton. But here are some tips for stylistic perfection:

"It is better to have a smaller wardrobe of extraordinary things, than a larger wardrobe of ordinary things."

1.) Buy nice things.
2.) Nice things last.
3.) Take care of your nice things.
4.) Do not wear your nice things when you drink, party, or roughhouse.

"Fashion is not a substitute for personality."

1.) Fashion is an expression of personality.
2.) Your sartorial style should be a tangible, sensual manifestation of such personality.
3.) But personality is the most important factor.

The Spirit's List of Luxury Wardrobe Staples Befitting of a Cosmopolitan, Upstanding Young Lady/Gentleman:

Silk Scarves: Hermès (Personne ne peut toucher cette maison. Art immaculé.)
Loafers: Gucci, Prada
Briefcase: Hermès, Salvatore Ferragamo
Sunglasses: Gucci, Chanel, Ray Ban
Knits: Vince, Armani, Sonia Rykiel, Pringle of Scotland, Missoni, Brooks Brothers
Dancewear: American Apparel
Rugby Shirt: Ralph Lauren Rugby
Saddle: Hermès
Wallet: Hermès, Gucci, Louis Vuitton
Gloves: Hermès
Ties: Hermès
Trenchcoat: Burberry
Parka: Moncler, Dsquared2, Spiewak
Fleece Jacket: North Face
Track Jacket: Adidas, Puma, Abercrombie & Fitch
Umbrella: Burberry, Hermes, corporate gift
Luggage: Louis Vuitton
Handbag: Hermès, Marc Jacobs, Chanel, Bottega Veneta, Salvatore Ferragamo, Balenciaga
Clutch: Chanel, Balenciaga
Travel Bag: Longchamp Pliage
Blazer: Gucci
Watch: Philippe-Latek, Cartier, Rolex, Omega, Chanel, Hermès
Underwear: Calvin Klein, Ginch Gonch
Lingerie: La Perla, Sonia Rykiel
Pajamas: Juicy Couture, Polo Ralph Lauren
T-Shirt: Armani
White Blouse: Carolina Herrera
Dress Shirt: Polo Ralph Lauren, Theory, Trovata, Hermès
Jeans: 7 for all Mankind, Rock & Republic, Citizen of Humanity, Hudson, Guess, D&G, Levi's, Calvin Klein, Diesel, Miss Sixty, Helmut Lang
Polos: Lacoste, Polo Ralph Lauren
Fur: Fendi
Fragrance: Creed, Hermès
Belt: Hermes Velour/Terry Tracksuit: Juicy Couture
Jewelry: Tiffany & Co., Cartier, Hermès, David Yurman, DeBeers, Van Cleef & Arpels
Pearls: Mikimoto
Dress Shoes: Bally, Bottega Veneta, Ferragamo, Hermès
Tennis Shoes: Nike, Puma, Adidas
Rainboots: Burberry rubber; L.L. Bean duck boots, Hunter
Leather Boots: Frye
Sheepskin Boots: Uggs, Luxe
Flip-flops: Rainbow
Boaters: Sperry Topsiders
Moccasins: Minnetonka
Black Pumps: Christian Louboutin
Athletic Socks: Juicy Couture
Cowboy Hat: Stetson
Swimwear: Eres, Juicy Couture
Pen: Montblanc
Pocket Knife: Swiss Army
Stationary: Crane & Co.
Music Player: iPod
Headphones: Bose
Water Bottle: Sigg, Nalgene, Camelback
Credit Card: American Express

And some wisdom for those fashion must-haves and trends...

Ladies' Dress-suit: Chanel, Dior, Armani
Ladies' Pantsuit: YSL
Safari: Gucci, YSL
Little Black Dress: Chanel
Red Dress: Valentino
Wrap Dress: Diane Von Fürstenberg
"Cupcake" Dress: Betsy Johnson
"Trapeze" Dress: YSL
"Bandage" Dress: Hervé Léger
Draping: Yigal Azrouël
Embellished Jacket: Balmain
Androgynous: Jean Paul Gaultier (e.g. Madonna's infamous cone-shaped bra)
Brocade: Balenciaga
Hourglass-Accentuating Dresses: Zac Posen
Bubble Skirts & Gravity-Defying Fashion: Balenciaga
Graphic Tees: Marc Jacobs, House of Holland, Guess, Juicy Couture
Robot Leggings: Balenicaga
Men's Tux: Tom Ford
Women's "Le Smoking" Tux: YSL
The Mondrian Dress: YSL
Animal Prints: Roberto Cavalli, Dolce & Gabbana
Sparkly Tee: Balmain
Gladiator Flats: Balenciaga
"Lobster Claw" Pumps: Alexander McQueen
Cage Heels: YSL
Nylon Bag: Prada pocono
Boho: Chloé
The Power Suit: Akris, Armani
Wild Prints: Etro
Geometric Patterns: Missoni
"Kaleidoscope" Print: Emilio Pucci
The Bodysuit: Donna Karan
The "New Look": Christian Dior
American Classic: Michael Kors
Ecochic: Stella McCartney
Argyle: Pringle of Scotland (They did invent in after all.)
Sequins: Blumarine
Ruffles: Nanette Lepore

Oh, my, and these common items too...just because...

Toilet Paper: Charmin, because it is the softest...
Paper Towels: Bounty, because they're so strong...
Chlorine Bleach: Cholorox...duh...
Peanut Butter: JIF, because it's the most American for the most American of foods
Oatmeal: Quaker, because there's just something special about "The Scary Guy on the Oatmeal Box"
Baking Soda: Arm & Hammer
Transparent Adhesive Tape: Scotch (3M)
Lightbulbs: GE
Condoms: Trojan
Vaseline: what do you use it for?
Nonstick cooking spray: PAM
Spam: because there's nothing else like it...

Now, go out and be fabulous, Hoyas!

Things were soooo different when this thing was around. Here's a little fashion history, Hoyas. In spite of your nostalgia for more conservative times (because I know those damn bra-burning feminists and oral contraception were the harbingers of the end times), the corset actually distorted the placement of the internal organs...not good for childbirth. Hmm, talk about a "harmful traditional practice" (e.g. UN terminology) from the same cloth as female genital mutilation. Ah, we Europeans had our faults too, you see.
Anyway, during a brief stint without the corset ca1815, women dressed in the Napoleonic, Roman-inspired frocks. And just like in the Dahlgren Fountain, Napoleonic women loved to jump in public fountains for that "wet dress" effect...but this led to an epidemic of pneumonia. Why were people so dumb?

Vatican gets serious on E.T. issues

E.T. Phone Rome?

Interesting. Just discovered this. The Spirit also hears that the Vatican has a program of its own on researching the possibility of Extra Terrestrial, intelligent life for the purpose of formulating Church doctrine. I have also heard stories that governments may be covering up ancient ruins on Mars that may suggest that our ancestors came into direct contact/were influenced by another intelligent, E.T. species millions of years ago and these entities may have genetically modified primate DNA into the current homo sapien variety. Interesting conspiracy theory. Ah...mysteries like these intrigue the Spirit...

Japanese Take Fashion To A Whole New Level

Fairwell, Kate Moss. It seems you're out of a job in the Japanese market, well at least on the runway...

The Japanese are so f*#!ing weird, but in a sleek, futuristic, Fast and the Furious: Toyko Drift, gothic Lolita, cemetaries on rooftops, historic usage of sex toys, little bed-hotel rooms in walls, grotesque films, bukaki, androgynous kind of way.

Ready for the catwalk

The Hellhounds Hath Cometh!

Oh, dear, Hoyas. We all know that the Hilltop is a Brigadoon of sorts, and outside of Ward 2 exists a world as HIV-ridden, hypodermic-needle-strewn, and full of arms-trading pirates as Mogadishu. It appears the hellhounds lurking outside of the Front Gates of the Hilltop have entered our sacred sanctuary of higher education, Longchamp Pliage travel bags, and Nantucket Reds! The Hoya writes, "A Così Restaurant employee was tied to a chair and robbed at knifepoint as a thief made off with nearly $2,000 from the Leavey Center restaurant on Sunday evening, according to a Metropolitan Police Department incident report."

WTF!? We can't stand for this. Well, who the hell was going to Cosi for an overpriced, not-as-good-as-Sweetgreen salad anyway?

But, the hellhound is still on the loose! As the Department of Public Safety notes, "The suspect is described as a black male, approximately 6'1" tall, wearing all black clothing, including a bandana covering his face and a black hat with the word "Cosi" printed on it." Well, the Spirit has no idea, in his infinite wisdom, what kind of face lurks underneath that bandana, but the culprit seems to have emailed the Spirit a photo of himself...
Be on the look out, Hoyas. It is up to you to be responsible American (or otherwise) citizens, and, as Jack the Bulldog would say, "Bark up!" (Not to mention we all have a responsibility to learn how to operate a firearm in order to fight off the terrorists...Just kidding...haha...no, actually, zombies are worse than terrorists.)

Obama and the Black Elite

Another great article, Hoyas, on America's elite, but this time the Red, White, and Blue's African-American upper class. Thank you, Ms. Williams for your intelligent and enlightening take on this esoteric issue.

Obama and the Black Elite

Quote of the Day

"If I were a serial killer, I would be like Jigsaw: make trust fund babies fight for their lives."

3 Reasons why Karl Javellana is the scum of the earth

#1: So it all started in the Fall of 2007 when Mr. Max Thormann received oral stimulation from an anonymous 5'11", female, New South resident, which resulted in a penial wound and a trip to the Georgetown Hospital's E.R. Was it bleeding? Yes.

"...Hello, this is GERMS. What is the nature of your emergency?"

"Mein schnitzel is kuput."

Flash forward to the Summer of 2008 when Mr. Thormann, out of the goodness of his heart, decided to host Mr. Javellana in his apartment in Berlin. Mr. Thormann, at that time was in a very serious relationship with his girlfriend. At that point she was living with him in his apartment. Mr. Thormann goes to sleep, and Mr. Javellana was up late chatting with Mr. Thormann's girlfriend. For no apparent reason, Mr. Javellana disclosed Max's prior sexual history to her. She on the spot decided to leave and end her relationship with Mr. Thormann. Then, Mr. Thormann ended Mr. Javellana's right to stay in Germany: he revoked Mr. Javellana's visa by abrogating his status as Mr. Javellana's designated guest, a requirement for Russians who wish to stay in Germany. Wow...

#2: Allegedly, Mr. Javellana's father gave him 30,000 USD to get the f*$# out of Moscow and out of his hair. Wow...

#3: Allegedly, Mr. Javellana plagiarized a portion of his paper by copy and pasting directly from Wikipedia. Academic leave during the spring semester of 2009? Whatever, Mr. Javellana. Wow...

Exorcist Stairs Obamified!

The Spirit is NOT happy about this. Our sacred Exorcist Stairs have been defiled with Obama pop art. No self-respecting Hoya would do this. Damn you barbarians who lurk outside of the Front Gates! Does anyone else feel like everything outside of Georgetown is like Somalia?